Reasons I Home School

Recently, I read a sarcastic list of reasons not to home school your child.  Though I disagreed greatly and thought the list was based on many stereotypes, I appreciated the humor.  I also started mulling over some of my own funny, but sarcastic reasons for chosing to home educate.  Below is my list.  Feel free to share any of your own reasons.

Ten Reasons I Home School My Children

10. I don’t want a time limit on the number of sick days my kids are allowed to have in a year; having to write notes asking for an excused absence from teachers I am paying.  As mom, I think I’m capable to determine if my child is too sick for school.

9.  I don’t want to do homework with my kids after supper. By evening time, I’m ready for a break; rest and family time.

8. If society is going to judge my parenting skills for my children’s behaviors, then I don’t want them being parented the majority of the week by someone else. When people see my child throwing a tantrum in the store, they don’t think, “Wow, his teachers must not make him obey and teach him how to behave!”

7. I don’t want my children using libraries where books are banned, such as the Bible and missionary biographies.

6. I don’t want public schools sheltering my children. I think they should be exposed to God, prayer, the traditional, nuclear family with a female mom and male dad, creation, and the teaching that there are moral absolutes.

5. I figure if their dad, my husband, is deployed to Afghanistan, that I have the right to teach them why he’s there and that Islam is not a religion of peace. After all I have read the Koran, not just newspaper articles or textbooks.  Not to mention geography lessons become a little more real when they learn countries by where dad is currently located. 

4. Grammar is best learned in action.  For instance, tell them, “Clean the kitchen.” Then teach them this sentence is a command, the subject is not stated, but we know it’s “you,” the predicate is the action verb “clean” and “kitchen” is a noun, a common noun.  This counts as a science lesson also, learning about germs and how to get rid of them, so your family doesn’t end up in the emergency room with salmonella. Which would also be a great life lesson; nothing like vomiting to remind you to do a more thorough job next time and mom and dad can’t buy you the xbox you wanted because they now have a hospital bill to pay.  After all, it’s a little unrealistic to raise children in an environment where tax payers hire janitors to clean up their messes.

3. Public school may teach sex ed, including prevention and abortion, but if you really want to put a dent in teen pregnancy, let your kids watch you vomit through 9 months of pregnancy and spend all day around their younger siblings. Make them change poopy diapers. Let the baby spit up on them and have them babysit while you take a nice, hot shower.  Prevention at its best.  But, don’t forget to let them enjoy the giggles, give them a break when the baby wants to play with them; teaching them not only the hard work of a baby, but the perfection and joy of one.  They’ll learn respect for human life.

2. If you needed 4 years of college to teach you how to read Dr. Seuss or teach children colors, shapes, how to use scissors and glue sticks, how to make macaroni necklaces with color patterns, phonics, and counting with beans, well…you’re a little slow and I don’t want you teaching my child. 

1. I figure if I’m amazing enough to grow a brain, certainly I’m entitled to fill it.